Thorns.

Ashley Judd.  Why is it that her face gets puffy and folks think she's had plastic surgery, but my face gets puffy and people think that I've been hitting the glazed donuts a little too often?  Am I the only person who finds her annoying?  I may agree with some of the things she says, but she is way too intent on letting all of us know that she is brilliant. 

I wonder why there are still roads within the "metro" Springfield area that are labeled things like "Farm Road 138" and "Highway J."  Every time the "traffic watchers" on morning radio tell us that there is an accident on one of these roads, I picture two tractors that have collided on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere when in reality it's probably two minivans intertwined in front of a Starbucks near south Campbell.  It's very important to me, for some reason, to name these roads.  How about Smith Road and Jones Drive?  How about Bugs Avenue and Bunny Street?  Maybe Ashley Blvd and Judd Expressway?

Why is there salsa on my computer screen?

Is it wrong that I'm praying that Connor's soccer practice gets rained out tonight?  I'm not a great sports mom, but I'll never let Connor know that.  I pray for a weather incident in private while enthusiastically helping him dress in shin guards.

I wish that I could wear fun sunglasses instead of my one and only prescription pair.  I daydream of lasik.

How is Rock Center different?  Isn't it just another version of Dateline?  Did we need another primetime news show?  I guess I didn't realize that there were people out there still needing more news about all of the tragic things happening in the world.  Tell me more about the potential risk of my child being kidnapped.  More details, please, about that horrible accident that happened last week.  What does Ashley Judd think about the objectification of women?  Thank you, Rock Center, for addressing these important issues.

I am crabby with a capital C.  Perhaps I'll take a nap and try my hand at being human again later.